Estimated reading time — 16 minutes

I remember this one quote.
It has been stuck in my mind ever since I opened that book in my mother’s study. It was a compilation of humanity’s worst moments, all detailing similar terrible tales.
The quote was from a survivor of the Rwandan Genocide.
A group of militia men caught her trying to flee. Once they had decided what they’d do to her, they brought her in front of some school boys.
And what those men said to those children was;
“Watch. So we can show you how to rape a woman.”
Those words echoed in my mind as I watched my mother be dragged away.
I hid beneath the floorboards of an old dilapidated church. My mother’s last act of free will was to hide me in that spot, the soldiers had caught her before she could find her own.
I heard her plea with her captors, begging for mercy and trying to appeal to what little humanity they had left.
Soon her wails mixed with the other women’s outside.
It was followed by a trail of gunshots hours later.
The world must have gone mad, was my first thought.
Though maybe sanity was the real facade. Such evil could not exist without already lurking in the hearts of these self proclaimed ‘men’.
I could hear every detail of what fate had in store for me if I came out from my refuge.
If I knew I’d just be shot, despair would’ve led me to take every bullet. But I knew these men would not be so kind.
For while I was still a child, I was 14, I knew that would be woman enough for those greedy eyes.
So I laid, holding my breath as the footsteps of soldiers pattered around the church halls. I heard the screams of children as they called out for their mothers.
Even as their blood dripped through the cracks onto my face, I did not dare make a sound.
Days after they left, I still refused to move from that spot.
I would’ve stayed there forever.
I debated letting myself starve to death. But after seeing so many fight for their lives, it felt like an insult to give up now.
So I emerged, now able to see in full the aftermath of what I had only caught glimpses of.
Beside me were the bloodied husks of children.
All of us had sought refuge in what was once a house of God, though divine vengeance did not concern men who believed themselves to be righteous.
I never dared to look outside. I feared the state I’d find the women in.
Perhaps God had played favourites, with me surviving in their place.
I was not the only survivor of the ordeal. There were other children that had remained hidden in their own nooks and crannies.
We did not acknowledge each other. Instead, we remained in our respective corners unless searching for food.
We also could not acknowledge those that laid lifeless across the building. If the bodies were discovered to have been buried or moved, then the soldiers would know we were there.
So, we had to just leave them. A constant reminder of what waited for us.
One by one they’d pick us off.
Every other week, they’d patrol the areas already conquered.
They wanted us gone. Wiped out.
So, they did not want to miss any potential survivors. Especially children who could one day grow up and seek revenge.
They knew we’d grow hungry. So they’d leave food in reachable places to lure us out. Others sent women with warm faces and a shoulder to cry on, just for them to drag us out to the militia.
What started as roughly 25 survivors dwindled to 15. Starvation took another 8.
I dared not to learn any names. It would only hurt more when I’d watch the light fade from their eyes.
The others must’ve felt the same, since my name was never asked.
We survived on whatever little we could find.
The pipes were in poor condition, rusting from old age and creaking anytime the bathroom taps were turned. Water did not run from the faucets, instead they’d drip out in odd colours.
We scavenged for food.
The leather on old books. Bugs and maggots that clung to the corpses. If lucky, there’d be the odd dead rodent which we’d silently share amongst each other.
Most days we tended to ourselves. It was only on occasions like that where we could all feast that we stopped ignoring each other.
The more time that passed, the more our options dwindled.
The soldiers stopped checking our spot. Yet, the dangers continued.
I’d find myself eating my nails to try to satiate my hunger.
Relying on the fortune of something dying for us, wasn’t working.
We had torn apart the church best we could. It was becoming hard to swat the flies gathered around the bodies in our weakened states.
Which left us with taking their food source from them.
An option none of us dared to act upon. We could not risk cooking the meat, and eating it raw was something not even our hunger could motivate us to do.
That, and the flies were not the only things feasting upon their flesh.
Those that laid outside the building would be torn apart by stray dogs in the night.
The ones that were stuck with us inside dripped to their predator as they melted in the summer heat. They trickled down the gaps in the floorboard to the one place we never dared to venture.
The basement.
If anywhere still had food, it was down there.
Behind that door.
In the night we’d hear the soft snarls of something inhuman. A gentle growl that would make the rooms rumble.
On the first night, I could hear it sniffing not far from where I hid. Under where my stiff body sat, was a small slither of the basement. As blood would trail down my cheek into the crevasses below, I could make out the sounds of something licking the planks directly under me.
Even the soldiers ran from that place.
It was the last location they decided to inspect, just for one to return with a bloodied arm.
We could hear the man’s screams morph with the creature’s wails. Its desperation to taste flesh could be felt in our bones, as its growls seemed more like pleas.
Every time they’d check if we were still alive, they’d never go back to that room.
And neither would we.
At night, I’d listen to it pace about. It was the only way I could drown out my own thoughts.
I’d find myself cursing my body.
The torment could’ve ended that night with my mother if I could’ve known a bullet was all I’d receive.
Instead, I had to dread making the same sounds she did before being put down like a dog.
Not even animals are treated that way.
At times I’d claw at my skin, wishing I could remove it to replace it with another’s.
Why must I be cursed with these lumps that grow on my chest? If these tumours had not begun to develop would I be worthy to be deemed a child? If my skin was not so soft and was rougher, if my hair was short and less fair, if I had been blessed with extra flesh between my legs, would I be spared from the scenarios that raced through my mind?
I hated men.
Men who felt so entitled to bodies they did not own. Men who felt uniforms put them above morality. Men who used women they did not even deem as people like their personal toys.
My hatred wasn’t extended far enough.
Women were no better. They’d kiss those same men and congratulate them for serving the cause. They’d encourage the slaughters and celebrate our humiliation. They’d even take up arms themselves and with glee gather children to be eradicated.
Just because they did not rip the clothes off the girls begging for mercy did not mean they didn’t condone those actions.
No, men nor women were the problem. It was everyone.
I hated everyone. This world, the people that populated it – everyone was complacent.
How dare we allow a world where this was an inevitability? A world where the draw of a hat decides your destiny.
A world like that God must’ve abandoned long ago, just like this church.
As these thoughts would consume me every night, I’d try to focus on the humming grumbles of the beast that lurked beneath our feet.
From how it paced, I wondered if it was waiting for something.
I wondered how long it had been trapped in that place like us.
Each step it took was heavy, and thundering. Though what was much louder was the sound of it dragging its body across the floor. It sounded as if its guts were being spread and mushed in the process.
When I first heard it, it made my stomach turn.
The more time ticked away, the more familiar it became.
Despite the distractions it would bring, it still brought me no comfort knowing it was on the prowl every night.
The only thing keeping it away from us was that door.
I never dared to even look at it. I feared if I stared at it for too long, it would open like my imagination often forced me to see. Then it’d tear us apart before presenting us to the soldiers that had maimed us before it.
Despite those shared fears, one boy still attempted to persuade us towards insanity.
He was a similar age to me, maybe a few months to a year younger. After months of collective silence he made his name known along with his voice.
Emanuel.
It was a simple proposition, starve or risk the basement.
We could not last much longer without food, he was right about that. But we didn’t know what we’d be fighting against.
Food was scarce, but most of us would’ve rather starved than face that thing.
Emanuel then presented the cause of his new found confidence.
An abandoned rifle.
“I found it down by the basement door! The soldiers must’ve left it in a panic. If we got this lucky without going inside, imagine what could happen if we entered.”
I couldn’t help but scoff.
The arrogance of a boy with a gun was like no other.
Sensing I wasn’t a fan of the plan, he turned to me.
“What’s your problem?”
“Even if we shot it, it’d just draw attention to ourselves.”
“It’s only if we have to! I’d rather die fighting than starve.”
Maybe if he had spoken up a couple months prior, I would’ve agreed. But now I was used to the sensation of my insides eating themselves. If I was to die, I’d rather it be familiar.
“Do what you want. I’ll take my chances.”
I think a part of me hoped the longer we waited the higher chance someone would come to save us. Dying on a suicide mission before then would be pretty dumb.
I knew no one was coming though.
Emanuel looked frustrated, I think he thought we’d all require little convincing. He’d underestimated our growing apathy.
Maybe it was just because I was the eldest, but the others seemed to agree with me. No one spoke up, but they all hid their faces from his gaze.
Emanuel gritted his teeth.
“I need all the help I can get!”
“Please, just be quiet.”
I tried to curl up in the corner I always sat in, I’d always try to close my eyes in hopes I wouldn’t wake up. Something peaceful amidst all the bloodshed.
Then I heard a click.
With unsteady hands, Emanuel pointed the rifle at my head.
“What are you doing?”
“Help me. Or I’ll shoot.” There was little conviction behind his voice.
I stared down the barrel before looking back at him.
“Just shoot.”
His face went red as it twisted and contorted. His rage then turned into resolve, as he instead aimed the gun towards one of the other kids.
“Help. Or I shoot them.”
I felt a chill up my spine.
I watched as the young girl froze in the face of death. The others scrambled back, hugging the walls as they tried to flee as far as possible.
Emanuel whipped the gun around to them all.
“See?! Now you suddenly care about your lives!”
My mind struggled to process the situation as the gun turned from one child to another, each sweating from anticipation of him pulling that trigger.
As one of the girls began to cry, he peered over his shoulder at me.
They were children I never bothered to learn the names of. I suspected many would die soon anyway. He was an idiot for thinking their deaths would move me.
Yet somehow he was right.
Their eyes darted to me as if expecting me to be their saviour.
Those eyes reminded me so much of my mother’s before she was dragged away.
Impatient for my response, he pressed the gun to one boy’s head.
“Either you help along with everyone else, or you take your chances outside! Those who aren’t willing to get more food don’t deserve the little we have in here.”
“Y-you’re crazy.”
“Look, either you come down there with us or go out there with them!”
Both options spelled certain death, but at least one would be quicker than the other.
“Fine.”
Emanuel almost looked relieved when he put the rifle down. As if he didn’t pick it up in the first place.
The others were weary around him from there on. They’d cling to me, now expecting me to protect them.
Whatever was down there, I couldn’t save them.
The stairs to the basement were only made up of a couple dozen steps. Yet with each foot forward it felt like an eternity.
I could feel the dread building in my gut as Emanuel led the way. The chains that covered the door were a more ominous omen than any message the previous residents could have left.
The silence is what scared me the most.
With us now at the door, I expected it to be louder than ever. Instead, you could hear a pin drop.
The chains were sealed over and wrapped around each other, the locks must’ve been destroyed by the soldiers and so without a key they had done their best to maintain it.
I could almost see the scene of the monster ripping the soldier’s arm off with how his blood was still splattered across the ground.
The red flags did not deter Emanuel.
One by one he tore off the chains, instructing the kids and I to help where he needed.
With each one that clattered on the floor, I could feel the danger increasing.
The one safety net was the lock built into the door itself. It was a simple piece of metal below the handle that could turn back and forth.
As Emanuel finished with the chains, he readied the rifle.
“You all stay behind me. Try to grab anything that seems useful as we walk around and I’ll take on anything that comes our way, ok?”
The kids nodded. I was too focused on the lock he was about to turn to process any of his words.
Before he sent us to our deaths, I grabbed his wrist.
“Wait.”
“What?”
“The most dangerous moment will be opening this door. We need to be ready.”
I gestured to two of the kids cowering behind us. They were the oldest of the bunch, around 9 or 10, so likely the strongest.
“You two be ready to push the door closed with all your might if we need to, ok?”
With hushed voices, they croaked back “oks”.
I then grabbed the lock.
“Emanuel, have your rifle ready and aimed.”
A little surprised, he seemed to be taking my orders in. After a moment of thought, he just nodded and readied himself.
I could see his hands trembling. No amount of reassurance was going to prepare him for the worst case scenario, so I just focused on confirming he was ready.
Once he nodded, I focused back on the lock.
Holding my breath, I turned it.
As the door creeped open, there was an uncomfortable stillness.
No one dared to make a sound as we peered into the void beyond the door. With no source of light to reveal what was inside, everything instead blurred together in a sea of black.
I could make out the vague idea of furniture but had no clues as to what each was. Layers of dust that had settled on the floor now floated about the air.
Emanuel took a few steps forward, the gun still ready to go.
He felt around the wall for a switch but to no avail. Without looking back at us, he gestured for us to move forward.
I could see the other’s hesitation. I couldn’t help but feel the regret plastered on their faces.
Somehow finding nothing was more frightening than facing the creature.
Realising we weren’t following him, Emanuel pivoted back to the door. With the gun still ready to go, he held out his hand to encourage me to follow.
“This is our chance. Come o-”
Something dripped onto his forehead. It was wet and slimy with a tinge of red in its black hue.
Confused, he wiped off the substance with his hand. When he saw the colour stain his fingers, he began to shake.
Fear overcoming him, his eyes remained locked on us.
So, I investigated on his behalf.
As I brought my head up to look at the ceiling inside, it was still hard to make anything out. It was as black as the rest of the space, though this felt more lived in.
Like something was there.
There was a low grumble from above. One we had all become accustomed to.
All hell broke loose when Emanuel pointed the gun at it.
It clambered down from its spot, screeching and moaning as it pounced on Emanuel. It moved so fast I could not make out its features. All I knew was it had Emanuel’s left half in its grasp.
I shouted for the kids to push the door closed as I grabbed onto Emanuel to pull him back.
A struggle began for Emmanuel’s body.
He screamed and writhed in pain as I held onto him to pull him to our side. The door, clamping on down on his body, blocked our view of the creature but we could hear it panting and snarling as it fought to keep Emanuel.
The other three kids joined the two at the door, as the weight of the creature thrashing against it was too much for the two alone.
Even with all 5, I knew they’d soon need my help, but with Emanuel’s life still in my hands I refused to let go.
I could hear his bones popping out of place. If the door wasn’t pinning him, I would’ve been pulled back with him into the jaws of the beast.
His flesh was beginning to tear off his skin, the blood smearing across the door frame in the process. Stringy pulps of flesh began to stick to the door as he was banged against it.
With his free hand, Emanuel attempted to bash its head repeatedly with his gun. It did not react.
“Shoot it! Shoot it!”
Once I screamed those words, Emanuel aimed the gun without hesitation.
When he pulled the trigger, nothing happened.
It was empty.
Of course they wouldn’t leave a loaded gun.
The struggle suddenly came to an end as the gun dropped to the floor.
I fell back with Emanuel as the door slammed shut.
I leaped up, making sure to lock it.
I instructed the kids to begin re-barricading the door as best they could. Meanwhile, I tended to Emanuel.
His body was pale as most of his blood was now outside of him. His arm was in shreds and barely still attached, with even his torso stretched beyond its limits.
I could see his shattered bones and burst blood vessels.
He no longer reacted to the pain.
I tried my best to apply pressure to the wounds, but it was useless.
He was no longer bound for this world, and he knew it.
With a gentle hand, he stopped my efforts.
“I-it’s alright.” He choked out.
Blood began to seep from the corners of his mouth as his eyes were bloodshot.
“I knew the r-risks.”
I had no tears left to cry at this point, but I still couldn’t help but pity him as he bled out on the cold floor.
I was happy his decisions got him killed and not one of us, but in his own way he tried to do something to survive. He fought when we didn’t.
Yet he was the one to die.
Why must a kid have to make such decisions? Why must he now lay stoic in his final moments, instead of crying in the face of such pain?
Kids should cry in moments like these, right?
At least his death was swift.
After those final words, his eyes shut over.
Behind the door I could hear the creature scuttling about. It began to bang its large body against the door.
After repeated failed attempts to escape, it screeched so loud the whole building began to shake.
Shit. There’s no way the soldiers didn’t hear that.
Trying to act quickly, I urged the children to follow me as I clambered up the stairs.
After facing death once again I had seemingly decided I wasn’t ready to die. I had survived for so long… I had watched so many others fight for their lives.
I had to try. Even if I didn’t live, maybe the others would.
So, we had to leave.
The soldiers were aware of the creature, they may wish to avoid it but they’d likely want to know what provoked it.
Anyone stationed nearby would already be on their way and I feared this time they’d be more thorough. After so many visits to know they still could’ve missed something would make them uneasy.
I wasn’t sure where we would go yet. I wasn’t of the area, me and my mother had been trying to flee over the border when we ended up there. But we could at least hide nearby, then return once the soldiers were finished.
It had been so long since I had seen daylight. It blinded me as I pushed open the door.
I tried my best to ignore our surroundings.
The bodies the stray dogs had been pecking away at all remained in the same spots. With the small glimpse I did get, some were torn beyond recognition while others were naked.
I dared to not gain any more details than that. I feared I’d recognise one as my mother.
“The coast is clear, come on.” I tried my best to encourage them as the eldest.
I covered my eyes with my hands.
I dashed for the treeline and hid in the bushes. My feet made contact with the stiff corpses a couple of times, but I just focused on staying up right.
Once safe, I opened my eyes to confirm no one saw us.
That’s when I realised. I was alone.
Back at the church entrance, the other children stood huddled together. They were petrified by the flesh and bones that laid in front of them.
I waved my hand, trying to get them to follow.
Before they could react, the sounds of footsteps approached.
The children began to retreat inside. I ducked in the bushes as I could hear the voices of men responding to orders.
I covered my ears as the men entered the building. I already knew there was no way they would’ve made it to their hiding spots on time.
The gunshots began to ring out. The men’s voices echoing orders over the children’s screams were muffled under my hands.
Here I was once again, stuck listening to the whims of men.
I had to wait to run, I dared not risk being spotted.
I wished I could just take a bullet like them. I wished I could turn those guns on the soldiers. I wished, I wished.
Yet here I was, with nothing I could do.
There was nothing I could do.
Nothing… Nothing I could…
I stared at the church as my mind schemed.
If I was to die that day, I would take them with me.
I knew that church better than they did, and my destination was right beside the entrance door.
Once I was sure all the soldiers were inside, I snuck back over. I did not need to worry about the creaking of the door as the careless men had left it wide open.
I slipped inside.
The soldiers were sitting talking, somehow already satisfied with their slaughter.
I could see new bodies, but I could not tell how many.
That didn’t matter. I just had to focus.
I ducked behind the pews and crawled towards the stairs I had run up not long ago. With a new found determination, I stared at the basement door.
I made my way down the stairs and avoided Emanuel’s lifeless body.
We had left in a hurry so there were less chains than before. I tried my best to set each down gently.
I could hear rumbling behind the door with each. Like it was waiting to be released.
That rumbling was overpowered by the sound of thundering footsteps and voices.
I abandoned my caution. There was no time. I tossed the last chains to the side and readied to turn the lock.
I hesitated, turning to look at Emanuel’s mangled corpse.
I had never seen the face of this creature.
What if what it had in store was worse than those upstairs?
I heard their laughter as they strolled along without a care in the world.
It must be easy, killing children.
Nothing behind that door could be worse than those men.
And even if it was, I hated them and this world so much I’d gladly die condemning them all.
I turned the lock.
As soon as I did, the soldiers appeared into view at the top of the stairs. When they spotted me, still holding the door handle, they lifted their guns.
But it was too late.
Something large bashed open the door, sending me flying against the wall.
I felt the air escape my lungs from the impact. My breath failed to return to me when I felt a weight on my body.
On top of me, was what had been haunting these halls for so long.
All this time I thought it was eating the flesh that seeped into its lair. I was wrong.
It was the flesh.
A grotesque abomination was crouched on top of me. It was made of pounds of tissue and bones, each bubbling to the surface as round surfaces of fat.
It had many faces and limbs, all mushed together beyond recognition.
It was as if a bloodied battlefield gathered together to form one creature.
One of its many mouths with crooked human teeth huffed and puffed onto my face, hitting me with the putrid smell of death.
I couldn’t take my eyes off it, as its veins pulsated and its body wriggled and squirmed.
This was it, wasn’t it? This was to be my resting place. Another face in its collection.
As the thought faded in my mind, I watched as it slumped its large body to face the men pointing their weapons at it.
Its attention left me as it lunged towards them.
It tore through them, tearing them to pieces with its many hands and sharp nails before absorbing them into its folds of fat. Their bullets bounced off it as their eyes darted about, unable to keep up with its speed.
I watched in awe as what were once human beings became nothing more than watery stains on the ground.
Human beings? Please. All I was doing was watching monsters kill each other.
I waited for my turn, knowing there was no way I could escape something like that.
But it never came.
Once it was done devouring the last bloodstains on the walls, it just wobbled to face me.
Hundreds of eyelids opened up, taking time to inspect me as they turned up and down, up and down.
They then closed before it continued on, moving through the room we had left untouched for it.
I could hear the slurping sounds of bodies merging with its form as I was left to ponder why I was still alive.
I looked at my hands, blood smeared across them.
I tried to cry, but for some reason it came out as a laugh.
Ever since I’ve been following it. I don’t know if one day it’ll turn on me but all I know is it kills anyone who holds a gun. That’s good enough for me.
It grows bigger with each feast.
I tried to see if any of the other kids survived. I couldn’t find any signs of life in that building. By the time this thing was done, there were no bodies to identify either.
I don’t know where it came from. I don’t know what its goals are, if it has any. I don’t know and I don’t care.
I’ll follow it to the ends of the earth if it continues to consume those who I despise so dearly.
For now, I must say goodbye. It is time we move.

Credit: Randomgingerreb

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